According to a recent survey, Australian parents are ‘seeking nannies with the exuberance of Mary Poppins and Mrs. Doubtfire’ to care for their children.
Let me get this straight - grown, well-educated adults are looking for cross-dressing impostors and witch-like heathens to guard their loved ones?
If I interviewed a prospective nanny and she looked anything remotely like a man, there would be no need to check the references.
And we all know that ‘spoonful of sugar’ is just street slang for crystal meth.
Other favourites listed in the survey included Maria from The Sound of Music, Supernanny and Alice from The Brady Bunch.
Surely they can’t be serious??
After 13 years of religious education take my word for it, an ex-nun with a guitar wears thin very quickly.
Does anyone remember the Brady’s dog Tiger? The one that just disappeared one episode never to be seen again? Next time you see Alice, ask her if she has any recollections of it or if she could perhaps provide a DNA sample.
And as for Supernanny – anyone who looks like a porn star would not be looking after my kids. Actually scratch that, any one who looks like a British porn star would not be looking after my kids.
So despite my faith in the Australian public never wavering, I have to admit, I’m disappointed who they’d leave in charge of their children.
For me though, there can be only one choice.
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Naomi Campbell stumbled into some more trouble last week when a woman was charged with stealing her identity. Fortunately Ms. Campbell was as humble and gracious as ever.
“This girl doesn’t even look like me. There is only one Naomi and it’s a full-time job, let me tell you.”
Most people underestimate the amount of time each day it takes to throw your phone at people, but not me.
Not me Naomi, not me.
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In one of the greatest discoveries since Steven Spielberg found live dinosaurs, Titanic director James Cameron believes he may have found Jesus Christ’s tomb.
I, for one, am amazed that after decades of work by the finest archeological minds known to man, it took the director of Pirahna II: The Spawning to make the discovery.
While tests cannot prove beyond doubt that this is in fact Jesus’ last resting place, Cameron says that if it’s not ‘then it’s another Jesus who lived at the exact same time as Jesus Christ’.
Seeing almost 60% of Jerusalem was named ‘Jesus’ at that time, surely that wouldn’t be much of a stretch?
Once again it appears we’ve debunked Cameron’s claims that he is in fact the second coming.
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Music and Lyrics, the new Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore romantic comedy is in cinemas now and while it’s a bit of a snore fest, there was certainly some excitement at the film’s Amsterdaam premiere.
Recently single Hugh was walking the red carpet and posing for pictures when a mysterious brunette jumped forward and clamped a metal handcuff and chain to his left wrist, attaching herself to the unflappable actor.
While in the past there’s no doubt Mr. Grant would have paid for such behaviour, this attention was clearly unwanted, however he continued to sign autographs and pose for fans as he waited for fire crews to set him free.
Having avoided marrying Elizabeth Hurley and Jemima Khan, you can’t blame Hugh for being afraid of the old ‘ball and chain’. (boom! tish!)
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When either feeling bored or overly self-conscious, I often think of the most embarrassing situations I could possibly be caught in. Most people have had the ‘rocking up to school/work/church choir practice in your underwear dream’, however for my money, being spotted at a Westlife concert would probably take the cake.
After running into a ‘close friend’ at such event, I realised my legitimate excuse of ‘I’m a music journo and my Dad really wanted to come’ actually sounded worse than anything I could have potentially made up. If only liking boybands was a more socially acceptable crime. However it wasn’t until I read about retired Polish school teacher, Leszek Szwerowski, that my ‘cultural faux pas’ paled into comparison.
You see Leszek (yes, it does sound like a slang word for ‘lesbian sex’; I know you were thinking it) is suing the organisers of a world record sex session after they forgot to pixelate his face. That’s right, the 61-year old Polish hornbag kindly offered to help out the three young women who were trying to have sex with as many men as they could over the course of several hours.
However Leszek said the company behind the event reneged on promises to keep his identity secret, leaving him embarrassed when his young nephew saw him on the DVD. Somehow I think his nephew might have leant more to the physically sick side of ‘embarrassed’.
This should make quite an interesting case, however you’d love to see the judge throw it out and rule that ‘world record gangbangers forfit all rights upon entry’.
No doubt Ralph Fiennes will be watching the outcome of this one closely.
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